It is imperative that you approach the elders of the tribe first with respect, and present your diecasts in an offering of peace. Note that they will be parked well away from the younger troublemakers (dubbed “SN95s” by the Falcon Elder), which is key, because if the younglings catch sight of a human first there is no stopping them. Apparently their small 4.6L engines give them deep insecurity and a raging inferiority complex.

After they have accepted you in their inner Circle Of Parking Lot Donuts, you must recite the appropriate chants of allegiance (“BRRRAAAAAAPPPP brap brap BRRRAAAAAAPPPP BRRAAAP FIIIIVVVE POOOIIINNNTT OOOOOOOOOOHHHH”) and participate in a ceremonial Smoking Of The Tires with them. Then, and only then, will they allow you to walk in the light amongst the full tribe. If you are not viciously mauled in this process, they will then allow you to approach the meanest killer of them all, known only as “The Snake”...

Note that he is parked well away from all others of his ilk. This is standard Tribe policy as this model in particular has been known to commit fratricide. His hood is up to blind him, so insatiable is his bloodlust. In this state he’s as docile as a Pinto.


I lived and was let to diecast peacefully in the presence of monsters. Heed these words, friends, and you may be so blessed. I make no guarantees, though.