Big things with little cars
Big things with little cars

The Hot Wheels R/C Stealth Rides line is a fun toy: in a case that doubles as a controller is a car that folds out when you press a button. The gimmick is simple: you’re bored and you want to play, so you pull the case off your pocket, pop the car off, press a button so it folds out, and play. Neat, but these days they’re not as popular as Mattel hoped.

However, we have reached a point where certain cars are pretty flat, owing to a desire for maximum aerodynamic efficiency. These cars will be perfect for what I have in mind, along with a whole slew of upgrades, from true steering (the old one’s skid-steer), to bumping up speed and adding multi-channel control.

Now, I think I can relaunch the toy, by (1) making the case look more like cassette tapes, and (2) using these cars for Batches 1 and 2.

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Batch 1

10. Faraday Future FFZERO1

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“Hold on”, you say. “You can’t have that vaporware from a shady Chinese startup as a launch model”. But hear me out. For one, look at the car. It’s not just made for the line, it begs to be in it, and it’s as good as an in-house design, so kids wouldn’t even think twice about picking this model up.

9. Tesla Model S P85D

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Here’s your bone. A super fast Tesla. It’s an instantly-recognizable silhouette, and Model S owners will surely love to have a toy that matches the key to their car, which kinda works like the toy.

8. Rimac Concept One

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Rimac is legit, the real deal, which is rare for upcoming marques with nothing but hypercars. The Concept One is legit, too, and looks so darn good and so like your scribbles in 4th grade it deserves to be part of the line.

7. Nissan GT-R LM NISMO

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Nissan’s crazy front-drive prototype is, well, a dud. But it still scores lots of cool points in my book, and it wouldn’t look to strange when folded down to storage-size. At least, let’s get this car immortalized, somehow.

6. Peugeot Onyx

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Besides being the only model from either batch that will have unpainted surfaces (the copper will be real and polished), the Onyx is a svelte, style-filled automobile, one that would be a true stealth ride.

Batch 2

5. Bentley Speed 8

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Arguments about whether or not this is actually a Bentley aside, this car is next to undetectable by bosses and teachers thanks to it nearly-flat aerodynamic shape, which would make storage easy. The best part? the big wing can be made into a handle!

4. BMW V12 LMR

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The wing on the LMR, on the other hand, is much lower, so it is easier to stow away: just flip it down until it disappears. But don’t let its seemingly-bland livery turn you off: this car will be a keeper.

3. Toyota Eagle MkIII

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This one should be easier to remember, owing to its iconic and fearsome shape. The car that basically macerated IMSA GTP will surely be a killer in office races,and since it’s already flat, you can actually keep it in your pocket alone! Win-win!

2. Porsche 917/30

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Not enough slaying power, you say? Then the Porsche 917/30 is for you. Even more powerful than the 917K it was based on, with immense downforce and all sorts of crazy, this Porsche was the first to paste McLaren, and, in the process, killing off Can-Am. You wouldn’t want this car to nip on your heels.

1. Sauber-Mercedes C9

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“What’s so special about this one-win wonder?”, you ask. You may be thinking that because this car has no livery at all, it wouldn’t stand out, but this model will be in shiny-polished ZAMAC, the only one on either batch.

There are still ten more cars that will form Batch 3 and 4, this time based on Gran Turismo’s Stealth Models and Chrome Line cars, so your suggestions will have to wait until I finish that and move to Batch 5 and 6.

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In any case, what do you think?

[All images are credited to third party sources]

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